My Story – A 12 Year Jail Sentence
I suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts through my teen years. I was highly emotional and never felt I had someone I could go to. My mother was a hard-working single mom who put her head down to work two jobs and pay the bills. I always felt like something was wrong with me and carried an immense amount of guilt. I buried myself in television to numb my inner pain. As a child I was sexually abused by an older child and kept that a secret for a very long time. I didn’t fit in at school and although I found some good friends, I could not ignore the names I was called as I walked down the hall. I starved myself, cut myself and desperately wanted to die. Life felt dark but when leaving high school I thought maybe things could be okay. Until one night a man broke into my house and raped me at knife point. He was caught shortly thereafter and eventually served 12 years in jail. Those 12 years continued to be hard for me – nightmares and waking up multiple times a night. I wanted to feel okay inside, but nothing seemed to help.
Moving Beyond Anxiety, Depression & Trauma
Just before the perpetrator was released from prison, I found myself in terror and it was at this point that I finally found a way to heal. I discovered that on top of the traumas of my life, I was believing that I was damaged, guilty and bad. Deep down, I blamed myself for being raped, even though I was at home asleep at the time. Once I was able to realize the beliefs I was carrying, I started to question them. I slowly started to trust the people around me who were reaching out, and I started to care about myself for the first time ever. I had a whole lot of hurt, rage, shame and guilt to work through…it was not easy, but it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and for my daughter.
Painful life events are inevitable in our lives. How we deal with that pain from the past changes our ability to deal with the present. This then gives us choice and empowerment going forward.
As I healed, I wanted to help other people on their healing journey and so I became a Master Therapeutic Counsellor. I have run support groups and have been counselling individuals and couples since 2009. I was an Instructor at the school I graduated from 2010-2020. I am currently in the 2nd of a 3 year Somatic Experiencing™ program, as well as completing my Master of Counselling with City University. Over the years I’ve done a variety of workshops furthering my own growth in the subjects of anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, couple’s counselling, and more. I am passionate about creating a safe space to be heard, to get curious and to heal from your story – whatever that is.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown
If you are serious about wanting something different in your life, it starts with owning your story and re-writing the meaning you have attached to it.
The first step is often the hardest.